girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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