i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
