You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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