first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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