Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
