She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
