I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
