His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
