He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Blood and glitter go together right?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
