Can i not drive my cunt home
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Randomize
