My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
