I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
