Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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