May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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