Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
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