they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
