"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
