Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
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