I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
