I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
