oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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