if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
