Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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