I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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