he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
