I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
