so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
