I think I just saw someone hide a body.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
