I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
