standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
