you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
