she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
