you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
