so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
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