Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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