I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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