i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Randomize
