Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
