i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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