The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Randomize
