I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
