Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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