I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
