my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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