Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
