Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
