o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
