Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
