so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
