Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
