I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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