just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
