Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
