Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
